ต้น March

I always think I am that person who has a lot of love in her heart to give, ‎just it's in a "เพื่อนร่วมโลก" way. —fellow human? ‎About a lover's way? In that case, I do too, just… you know? I rarely am into anyone, like clearly. It's a dim pic, there's fog. ‎And I kinda hated when someone could influence me too much. ‎There's too many emotions when you love someone too, it'd distract me.

‎IMO, Love is something unpredictable, and requires a lot of your physical and psyche energy somehow.

‎And in the depth of my heart, ‎I found myself scared of letting someone in, truly. ‎That means they eventually will see my sides that I feel uncomfortable talking about. 'cause I'd try to open it up for sure if she wants to know. ‎And I have to compromise both my organized inner world and external world, I have to use the energy for adaptation when I optimized, organized things just for me already. ‎(either has to the other one, I know.)

‎But for now, for now... ‎I think I found a way to balance 'being myself' and the 'that heart's influencer' who influences me, it just isn’t stable yet. ‎Like... it's okay to let her take control something sometimes, yet still, I am the one at the sail, the master of my sea. It's like we're working together. ‎I can embrace those feelings better, shift it to something that drive me to tryna be better แบบพอดีๆ, not too desperate, not something tryna impress someone, ‎just I want to, plus, it'll be something good for us, I think. ‎And last, I'm tryna realize consistently and getting used to something like 'Who knows what secret tomorrow holds?'

‎—Even tho I don't feel like trying in any relationship, even tho I love to give all my time to me and just me, I tried automatically anyways.. like subconscious. Because I care about their feelings deep down. ‎

PEACE krubbb